If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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