I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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