The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
