I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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