I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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