I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I FOUND THE LEGS
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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