Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I smell like Dick and happiness
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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