Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
The air was thick with penises
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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