So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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