I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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