I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
