in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
