my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
