Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
