Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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