I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
