yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
