He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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