i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
