By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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