Just fell off a train. Bad.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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