you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
