oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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