Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
