I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
