i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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