Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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