I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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