so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
