the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
