Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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