Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
