enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
did you just send me my own nude
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
