I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
