i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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