Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
