i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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