My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I think I have vodka in my lungs
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
