I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
