I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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