never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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