she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
