spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
