Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I see more hoeing in ur future
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
