I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
