its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I think your dad took our porno
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
