My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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