i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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