Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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