I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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