Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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